urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:burnt_chick (i want to dance between the raindrops in a downpour.) burnt_chick 2005-06-24T22:20:15Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:burnt_chick:677 2005-06-24T22:20:15Z 2005-06-24T22:20:15Z i have to eat @ work. :( i hate it. i work with only 3 other people @ a dog daycare + grooming place. i love the job + people but i can't skip lunch because we all sit there together. my boss said a couple of weeks ago that he was 'worried' about me. he's the nicest guy but <i>please</i> don't say that kind of shit to me, buddy. i always just blame me not eating much on being a vegetarian and that i eat more when i'm home.<br />today i had a small fucking eggplant parm sub. what the fuck? disgusting kerry. it's obviously the only thing i ate and will eat. i had it @ 11:30 and i'm still full from it 7 hours later. i couldn't puke it up either b/c they can hear easily there. sucks. i had 3 bottles of water though which is good and have had 1 1/2 since and going.<br />tomorrow is going to be HOTT. almost 100 degrees. insane. i can't wait although there is supposed to be major pool party-ness happening. i will most likely be getting some blow though so i will burn a ton off and not want to eat at all. <br />i feel so gross right now. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:burnt_chick:314 2005-06-23T18:37:30Z 2005-06-23T18:37:30Z ani d. so i had to make a new 'secret' lj name because too many friends were catching on to EDness.<br />i stopped for so long... months! recovery sucked. gaining weight sucked. i miss being so small that it's the first thing people notice. i miss the feeling that i am going to fly away when there is a slight breeze. i miss looking in the mirror and seeing ribs. <br />i'm about 110 right now. this time last year i was probably 100 pounds. i've already lost some since i've been home but i need to lose more. damn momma g's good cooking + drinking mad beers every night + getting munchies when i smoke.<br />it's back to restricting/fasting + when i fuck up, purging like crazy. back to the uppers. (oh how i love uppers.)<br /><br />i am on aderol for the 3rd day in a row. my heart is fucked but it's fine. it makes me not want to eat. <br /><br />momma g wanted to me to go lunch with her after work today so i did but barely ate. i blew a lil aderol before i left. i couldnt purge because they didnt have a bathroom + she's up + about now @ home. but i have another aderol i can take in a few to speed me up some more.<br /><br />i NEED to lose this weight. i can't go swimming with my friends looking like this. fuck, i can't even look @ myself right now.